Wonderwall

Invisible Feeling

2011-10-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

I burn but you don't see it
You live on in the glory of attention
While i have none
Nothing but my thoughts
While i wither away, fade away

I don't wanna come across you
Cause i know i won't like
What i will get from you
That feeling that i am just another
So close yet so far

And now you are indispensable
I run harder to save myself
But you catch up so easily
Why was this chase impossible
When i was the one chasing

So you might never realize
What's hidden behind these eyes
What was said and what was done
And i will have these thoughts day after day
While you keep smiling away

You smile as if nothing ever happened

2011-09-30T12:56:00.001-07:00

I was happy and comfortable in my lonely kingdom
Your smile made me feel incomplete
And when i strove for that wholesome feeling
You stopped...and i was left reeling

I was thrown from ecstasy to pain
As i wondered if you would smile again
You didn't, left me feeling cold
And now when you do, i can't help feeling blue

The warmth of it had kindled a flame
It ain't that anymore, it's just pure pain
That ball of fire that burns in my chest
And if you keep smiling, i will be put to rest

Lost what i did not have

2011-06-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

misunderstood, misinterpreted, mistaken
miss everything, everything that's been taken
tried so hard, so hard to be perfect
got nothing at all, not even respect

miss you a lot, more than you think
but am nowhere, not even at the brink
might not seem so, but the intentions were pure
didn't have you anyway, but lost you for sure

searched a lot, looked everywhere to find
that missing piece, peace of mind
don't know what's better, my day or my dreams
cause in the end, nothing's as it seems

you are here, but you are gone
is this the place where i belong
was always true, could not come through
might only have to live with the memories of you

should have been wiser, or should have been a fool
should have been the schemer, or should have been a tool
should have been better, or should have been worse
should not have been someone, with nothing but a verse

every breath, every glance, every time, every chance
calling out, reaching out, finding out, shut out
shaken, broken, forsaken, heartbroken
wanted everything, can't even have a token

why is it so easy, for all but me
why is it never what i want it to be
try to move mountains, keep stumbling on stones
dazed and confused, left all alone

two steps forward, four steps back
always keep running, on the wrong track
looking or some hope, looking for a chance
too far away, even from a bad romance

Eyes Open

2009-06-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

I was walking with my friends near the Vrindavan bus stop, and i saw this awesomely cute and hot female. What more, she was wearing a short skirt kind of thing and the legs..........OMG! She was maybe a year or two younger to me.

Now, she actually spotted me eyeing her,and it turned out that she somehow knew my friends. So when we were close enough, they stopped to talk. I took the opportunity to say hi, and well she reprimanded me by saying that she had spotted me checking her out. I was like, hey i was just looking, not as if i made a physical advance. Then i told her that if she had such a huge problem with people looking at her then she try not to look so pretty. Well, that comment somehow eased the tension, and i am pretty sure she did all this just to amuse herself, cause she started smiling in a very naughty way after that. Anyways, i was kind of pissed and started walking away but the guys called me back. I eased up a little bit too and did the "Ok, lets be friends routine"( dont't blame me guys, she was perfect, i HAD to mellow down). And then she again tried to catch me on the spot by saying "Ok sure, but why didnt you ask the same from my my friend too?" (oops, i forgot to mention, she of course had a plain chick accompanying. I say of course because that's how usually life is). And the way she said it, totally implying that i just wanna be friends for her beauty and that sort of thing. To my surprise, i was brutally honest and said "No, you don't need to be charitable with your friendship, i was interested in you and not her, but if you have so many issues then forget it. And then she just laughed. Strange as it seems, it cleared up the entire situation. She was just having some fun.

Hours after meeting each other we were a couple. And i absolutely loved the way we hung out. She was clinging to my arm, we were walking the typical "arms entwined" position (i don't know what other way to describe it). There simply was this instant bonding, although i am pretty sure you would call it desperation, but it was not that. She said that there would be some kind of difficulty, as she was in kind of a relationship with someone i guess. I wasn't shocked, cause there was no way this chick could have been single. But did she make me happy by saying she wouldnt mind a kiss. I guess that was perfect cause i just wanted to have the satisfaction of knowing that she liked me the way i liked her(in other words, that the feelings were reciprocated and it was a mutual thing, not one way) and that was it. Although the circumstances were unfavourable, we were quite clear about our feelings for each other. Of course she was confused and hence trying to be politically correct, it's not everyday that you walk into someone you think is perfect, while in a relationship with someone else. As for me, i was gonna stick with her no matter what, and secretly hoping that the day she confronted her boyfriend comes soon (in fact, making up plans already by this point of time), although outwardly i was saying" Take your time dear, no need to hurry". Then we parted till next time...............................................pretty weird huh..................................well you just wait.......................

Then, while roaming in Shrirang( which is adjacent to Vrindavan) i came across some guys who worked with Discovery Travel&Living. I expressed my great appreciation towards their channel and also expressed my genuine interest in wanting to associate with them in the future. They were quite happy to know all this, and asked me to accompany them in their current assignment. They were visiting all the particularly beautiful, artistic and well desinged households. Next, we went to this spectacular household. Breathtaking furniture and an artistically illuminated living room with candles etc. We went to the inner room, and there were four magnificent electric guitars lying there. Turned out that this house belonged to Ozzy Ozbourne!!!! And it just so happened that that day was his birthday!!!! So Ozzy came back, but he had no idea we were there. So i thought,well, it's not everyday that we come across Ozzy and therefore decided that we should give him a surprise birthday treat. I was thinking about doing something with the guitars, but that would have been very cheesy so, thankfully, we scrapped the idea. But we quickly made some excellent food (of course, these were guys who worked for Travel & Living, what else can you expect), and we surprised Ozzy with our little treat. He was absoltuely delighted. Then, we seated ourselves around the table with Ozzy at the head obviously and he was just speechless. It was awesome. I was just one chair away from him, and the guy between us, was my friend Yash!!!!!

Doesn't make sense at all..................................

Don't worry...............................................................

this is where i woke up................................................................

and the dream ended...................................................................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

As R.E.M. said in "Losing My Religion", ".....that was just a dream.......just a dream.......just a dream .....a dream"

I woke up with perhaps the most content, satisfied, peaceful, almost "Nirvana" like expression on my face...............................calmly exhilirated...........happy..........simply happy........

Talk about "stuff that dreams are made of"!

Latest Crush

2009-06-18T00:44:00.001-07:00

Her name is Asha GIll. Currently she hosts a show on Discovery Travel&Living called Six Degrees, amongst other fascinating things. She has been a VJ, model, actor and is a female rights activist.

Now, the only problem is that she far, far, far more accomplished. And i guess my parents would also mind the fact that she is 36.

But, nothing wrong in dreamin about it.......anyways i guess this is how she will react if she comes across this......

In 2 worlds.....

2009-06-14T05:34:00.000-07:00

11th June 2009:

7:20 PM: The pre-planned night out began with the inevitable train journey to Charni Road, the occasion being the termination of the semester exams of my engineering buddies. All the hours prior to this were spent waiting impatiently for this moment to arrive.

8:30 PM: We arrive at Mama Mia's, and have a delightful meal of pizzas. This is followed by perfect Singapore & Calcutta meetha paans from the paanwaala outside Cream Centre restaurant, and a glass of "mind-blasting" Ferrero Rocher shake. Next destination, Koylas near The Taj.

10:45 PM: This is the time we arrived at Koylas, a restaurant and hookah place( not before i had 2 caramel custards at Baghdadi's, an Iranian restaurant). We passed the remainder of the night and an hour and half into the next day dissipating hookah smoke.

12th June 2009:

2:30 AM: We reached Churchgate station. On our walk from Koylas up to this point, we saw some landmark sigths, namely the naval dockyard, the illuminated dome of the The Taj at night, and also a cat standing up to a dog 5 times its size. We had bun maska, bhurji pav and tea at Churchgate.

3:00 AM: Marine Lines. Just about to lie down on the patti, but a Ferrari races across the opposite lane, followed by a Lamborghini, and a Merc trying desperately to catch up but failing. We sam them turn around at a distance and we raced to the edge of the pavement to have the best roadside view. The surreal sound of the cars reaching us well before the cars did, we wait in eager anticipation of the moment when the cars would right in front of us and race past.......and we were not disappointed. The driver of the Ferrari shifted gears right before us and the insane blast of noise before it took off was enough to get our adrenaling rushing, wiping out any kind of fatigue, laziness, boredom for the next few hours at least. A second turn and they flew past us for the third and the final time although this time from the opposite lane. We were hoping that they would return and so we set off in their direction, trying to figure whether they had turned away from this path or would they return. We walked till The Trident and came to a logical conclusion that they weren't going to come back. They had most probably parked their cars in The Trident itself. So, we just decided to lie down on the part of the patti exactly opposite the hotel to pass the remaining hours before dawn. The most exhilirating place where i could have spent time.......the endless Arabian Sea to my right, and the majestic Trident to my left. Cool sea breeze, the aftereffects of witnessing 2 of the worlds best cars racing past, the overall smug feeling of a night thoroughly enjoyed, company of close friends and nothing to do but to talk till dawn in this grand setting. Heavenly!!!

6:00 AM: We catch a CST local for our journey home. Impulsively at Dadar, i suggest that we have breakfast at the famed Udipi restaurants at Matunga. No one would say no to that. We get down at Matunga, have idli and filter coffee at Ram Ashray, and then make our way back to the station for the final part of our trip back home.

8:00 AM: I reach home, after supposedly "a night out at my friend Yash's place who lives in Soham Gardens, Thane." There's no way i would have got permission to spend a night like i just had. I quickly change and waste no time in getting to sleep.

12:20 PM: I wake up and check my phone, only to read a message from one of my close friends ( from a different circle, not related to the friends with whom i had spent the night) informing me about the sad demise of his grandfather.

2:00 PM: I arrive at his place for the funeral. The body is cremated and the funeral ends by 3:30 PM. I come back home at 4:15 PM, thoroughly drained.

In 21 hours.............perhaps the best night of my life so far...........and a funeral............phenomena that are worlds apart...............and so in 2 worlds in less than a day......

Music and lyrics!

2008-10-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

Artist: Radiohead

Song: Karma Police

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us

Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us

And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

Music and lyrics!

2008-10-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

Artist: Pearl Jam

Song: Black

Hey...oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas
Untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me
As her body once did
All five horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn
Ooh and all I taught her was everything
Ooh I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands
Chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh the pictures have
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by
Some kids at play
I can feel their laughter
So why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin
Round my head
I'm spinning
Oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away...
And now my bitter hands
Cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures had
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
All the love gone bad
Turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
All that I am
All I'll be...
Yeah
Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a sun
In somebody else's sky
But why
Why
Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine
(not sure?)
mm-hmm no yeah no
mm mmmm no nonono yeah yeah
we-
we belong
we belong together
together
oooh ooh
we-
we belong
we belong together
oh yeah

Revolution

2008-09-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

The system of our lives is quite wrong, and that is the core of all our problems i guess!

I mean it just struck me, i am close to being 20 years old(not there yet), and i am supposed to behave in a very mature, intelligent, sensible, pragmatic and focused manner.

Prior to this i was just a kid, and had no understanding about the world, and used to live in a bubble with my emotions depending upon petty materialistic stuff .

When finally you realize the real "stuff" that exists in the world, you do not have time to enjoy it!

I say this because, at this point in my life, I am supposed to be thinking about

Where my life is heading
My career
What i want to become
My parents and my social responsibility
etc etc etc............

So, when am i supposed to think about:

Sports
Movies
GIRLS

Perhaps, when i am 30-40, have lost the exuberance of youth, tied up in life, and in a state where venturing into such stuff would not be appropriate for my physical and mental health.

This applies to almost all people of my age, and it does not make sense!

I feel that we have got it horribly wrong, and it's time for us to discard this system, and put things in order!

I think it's time for a REVOLUTION......

P.S.: Any suggestions in this regard, as to how we should go about doing it for real, are strongly solicited.

Nobody's grief is bigger than your own.

2008-07-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

Well, i am not sure if i am qualified enough to make this comment, simply because:
1. I am 19 years of age and have not experienced many of the major events that are a part of life.
2. I have not experienced tragedies of all kinds.

However, i do not think the conclusion that i have drawn, which is the title of the post, becomes invalid on the above grounds.

Well, think about it yourself. Knowing that a person has gone through something that you have gone through might comfort you a lot but can never relieve you of the pain, sorrow, anger, frustration or whatever emotion you are feeling.

On the other hand, one can sympathize or empathize, but can never, to the exact magnitude, feel what someone who has suffered a tragedy, is feeling. Let us say, one can sympathize or empathize with a person who has lost a dear one, maybe to a greater extent if the former has been through such an experience himself. But at that moment, the person to whom it has happened, or in general the people directly associated with it feel the worst.

Am i being cynical about the insensitivity o human beings? Absolutely not.

On the contrary, i feel this is quite essential.

If, for example, everyone who came to know about such an event of loss, were to feel as bad as the people directly associated with it, then everyone would be disturbed, emotionally fragile, shaken. In such a situation, where would the strength, the support, the solace come from. Who would be the shoulder that one needs to cry on?

If everyone fell apart, who would be the one to pick us up, mend us, strengthen and consolidate us again?

Therefor, nobody's grief is bigger than your own and for pretty good reason.

Looking at it this way, it seems very sensible that one cannot feel as bad as the victim of a tragedy. Therefore, even we should not expect people to feel as bad as we are feeling, if something unwanted happens.

However, this is no excuse for lack of compassion and understanding. One should have friends who, if not completely, but to a great extent can feel what he/she is going through. We feel better when we know that we have someone who understands what we are going through, he or she may not have to be feeling as horrible as we are, but that he or she will be there for us. Lack of this understanding is unacceptable.

However, that is a parallel thought, and we must not stray from the topic of the post. I do not have anything more to say as of now, but i would like know the thoughts of everyone who comes across this, please leave your comments.

Music and lyrics!

2008-07-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

For all the fellow broken-hearted....this thing had to be here!

It is the cover of "I Will Survive" by the band Cake. I have not heard the original version of the song, but anyways the Cake version is amazing and the lyrics are the same.

Here it goes:

*************************************************************************************
Song: I Will Survive
Artist: Cake

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along
So now you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
Without the look upon your face
I should have changed my f-ing lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah
*************************************************************************************

Nothing left to say i guess!

P.S.: I strongly recommend that you view the song on YouTube, here's the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10C68Gzd5GM

The importance of packaging.

2008-06-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

For all those who have any idea about the basics of marketing and what they talk about, this will appear to be a very common concept.

What we would generally come across are terms like " packaging adds value, attracts the customer......is vital from the point of view of safety of product and also providing essential information about the product........creates the image in the minds of the consumer"etc.

However, let us look at it in a different light. What is packaging in essence? Aesthetic value mostly, external appearance. Bingo!!! [If, at this point, you raise an argument that creation of aesthetic value is not the only purpose behind packaging a product, it is also related to product safety and convenience in usage, totally accepted, but just answer this question: what would you naturally prefer - a plain and safe package, or an equally safe, but much more beautiful package?]

We, humans, would we even be humans if we stopped evaluating things on the basis of looks or appearance. I guess not.

We worship beauty, beauty of form. We seek beauty, we feel that it is essential. In fact, when we believe that "Beauty is truth, truth beauty", the fact that packaging influences us to such a great extent is no great surprise at all.

The first impression that a person creates is completely based on his appearance. Of course, we cannot blame ourselves for that, as there is no other ground on which we can draw conclusions about a person unless we actually know him. But, this seemingly shallow, casual conclusion drawn with regards to a person's looks, is not actually taken so casually is it. Whether you are beautiful or plain, hot or not, always plays an important role. Why do i say this? Let us consider some very common phenomenon:
1. Is it not ironical that some of the better looking students, need not necessarily be some of the better students to score marks?
2. We can and we do, turn down offers of relationships, if the criterion of beauty is not satisfied, even if the other person is truly beautiful inside.
3. What is the multi-billion dollar fashion industry all about, inner beauty?

For what is the human body after all, a package that the higher power put our immortal soul into, and sent to earth. Does not the soul bear the consequences of the extent of beauty of the package? After all, that is why everyone is not an ascetic. The attraction of flesh is of paramount importance for human life.

In fact, looking at it from this point of view, it is impossible to imagine a world where appearance or form does not matter.

If you have understood what i am talking about, then do you think there is a need to emphasize
the importance of packaging in any other way. I feel this would be the most effective way in which a professor can make his students realize the importance of packaging.

Music and lyrics!

2008-05-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have a nasty habit of stealing titles...well, can't help it if someone thought of something before i did.

Anyways, coming to the point, this post will be sort of a regular feature in my blog, as under this heading, i will put forward the lyrics that really caught my attention and the reason why.

To begin with, i quote U2, the song title is itself a beauty, "With or without you". This is going to sound stupid i am sure, but the lyric goes:

"I can't live......with or without you!"

I don't think there is an explanation required!

There are other parts of the song which are really moving:
"Slide of hand and twist of fate.....on a bed of nails she makes me wait"

Well, why is it so appealing? I think the answer can be found in the P.B. Shelley's quote:
"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts"

One for United!

2008-05-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

Well, as the title suggests, this one is for Manchester United!!!! Barclays Premier League Champions for the 10th time!!!! Oh and by the way, before any of you losers start arguing, let me clarify that we deserved it, more than anyone else. Why??? Here is your answer, some facts regarding our performance this season:
1. Most number of wins.
2. Most number of goals scored.
3. Most number of shots on target.
4. Least number of goals conceded.
5. Most number of clean sheets.

To sum it up:
"We are the champions......no time for losers....cause we are the champions of the world!!"

Reflections……of my past life!

2008-05-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Well, the core idea behind this post is a thought that occurred in my mind. A bit of a complex thought, it involves the concept of past life, reincarnations and karma. It bears the influences of Hindu spiritual or philosophical beliefs.

It is believed that the actions and deeds of our past life affect our present life as well. For example, let us consider a person who, in his present life, is poor and usually has no luck when it comes to money matters, then we could conclude that he would probably have been a wealthy person in his past life, who never refused to spend for personal benefit, but was seldom helpful with his money when it came to others.

Now, I come to the point [Huh!!!!.....Finally!!!! That is what you are thinking I am sure!]. I have taken this concept of “Pichle janam mein jaane kya karm kiye the!” as the base of this post where I try to find reasons for the state of my current life in my past life:

Based on the fact that I have very little materialistic beauty, I would have probably been a drop dead gorgeous hunk in the past life, bringing girls to orgasm with nothing more than a smile.
One can also conclude that I might probably have been in a famous boy band [that could also account for the looks] and made some really trash records. That is why I am blessed with the soul to appreciate real music.
Based on the fact that I have had a downright shitty love life, I would have most definitely been a ladies man, a true “Player”, in every sense of the word, and this also follows quite naturally if you keep in mind the fact that I was amazingly attractive in my past life.
Most certainly, I was a teacher’s pet and used to get marks out of nothing the way some people do.
I was probably one of those people who only cared for the superficial beauty and had no respect for genuine emotion [in an extreme case, might have even been a philanderer with illegitimate children who suffered many hardships, and who wished with all their heart that I pay for the sins, although i sincerely doubt that even my past life was ever so lively and happening]. That is probably why God made me a hopeless, die-hard romantic in this life, ingrained with the concepts of eternal love, faith, destiny and all such deep spiritual stuff, just to see all these concepts being ridiculed, many true and heartfelt emotions being disrespected, and thus obviously being hurt like hell, in an attempt to simply be the one who gets the opportunity of making someone happy [hey, do not worry, i am not actually as depressed as i sound, it is just that there is no other way of putting it].
I was surely much more selfish.......well, at least not one tenth as caring and concerned as I am about people around me.
Being a Manchester United fanatic down to the last breath, I was probably an Arsenal or Liverpool supporter in the past life. That is why God set me right in this life !

Well, what is the point of all this? I just think it is a very funny, positive and non-depressing way of contemplating about your life, especially about the shitty part of it and I sincerely urge every one who comes across this and liked the idea to give it a try.Cheers!!!

Wonderwall

2008-03-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to all you people who [fortunately for me] had nothing better to do than search for someone blurting out whatever came to his/her mind on the internet, and thus [unfortunately for you] came across this blog!

Being the introductory post, i cannot skip the formality of introducing myself. I am Madhur Oza, an undergraduate, pursuing a management degree. That was the boring part about the professional qualification. But there's still the even more boring part about my interests, passions, hobbies etc. The point is you are going to come to know about those anyways if you continue reading my posts, and if i tell you right now it would in fact be unwise!![For those of you who really want to know, you can try tracking me down on Orkut.]

The title is what it is, simply because that is what my blog is going to be for me, a Wonderwall, where i portray my thoughts for everyone to see, to read and to contemplate. Oh and before you think otherwise, no, the title is not an original creation and yes, it has been borrowed from the heavenly song by Oasis [with sincerest gratitude].

I hope the introduction was not bad enough to deter you from further ventures into this area of the world wide web, and for those of you who do want more, rest assured, i have plenty to say and i will give my best to saying it whenever i can!

Till then, take care and do come back!