Invisible Feeling

I burn but you don't see it
You live on in the glory of attention
While i have none
Nothing but my thoughts
While i wither away, fade away

I don't wanna come across you
Cause i know i won't like
What i will get from you
That feeling that i am just another
So close yet so far

And now you are indispensable
I run harder to save myself
But you catch up so easily
Why was this chase impossible
When i was the one chasing

So you might never realize
What's hidden behind these eyes
What was said and what was done
And i will have these thoughts day after day
While you keep smiling away

You smile as if nothing ever happened

I was happy and comfortable in my lonely kingdom
Your smile made me feel incomplete
And when i strove for that wholesome feeling
You stopped...and i was left reeling

I was thrown from ecstasy to pain
As i wondered if you would smile again
You didn't, left me feeling cold
And now when you do, i can't help feeling blue

The warmth of it had kindled a flame
It ain't that anymore, it's just pure pain
That ball of fire that burns in my chest
And if you keep smiling, i will be put to rest

Lost what i did not have

misunderstood, misinterpreted, mistaken
miss everything, everything that's been taken
tried so hard, so hard to be perfect
got nothing at all, not even respect

miss you a lot, more than you think
but am nowhere, not even at the brink
might not seem so, but the intentions were pure
didn't have you anyway, but lost you for sure

searched a lot, looked everywhere to find
that missing piece, peace of mind
don't know what's better, my day or my dreams
cause in the end, nothing's as it seems

you are here, but you are gone
is this the place where i belong
was always true, could not come through
might only have to live with the memories of you

should have been wiser, or should have been a fool
should have been the schemer, or should have been a tool
should have been better, or should have been worse
should not have been someone, with nothing but a verse

every breath, every glance, every time, every chance
calling out, reaching out, finding out, shut out
shaken, broken, forsaken, heartbroken
wanted everything, can't even have a token

why is it so easy, for all but me
why is it never what i want it to be
try to move mountains, keep stumbling on stones
dazed and confused, left all alone

two steps forward, four steps back
always keep running, on the wrong track
looking or some hope, looking for a chance
too far away, even from a bad romance

Eyes Open

I was walking with my friends near the Vrindavan bus stop, and i saw this awesomely cute and hot female. What more, she was wearing a short skirt kind of thing and the legs..........OMG! She was maybe a year or two younger to me.

Now, she actually spotted me eyeing her,and it turned out that she somehow knew my friends. So when we were close enough, they stopped to talk. I took the opportunity to say hi, and well she reprimanded me by saying that she had spotted me checking her out. I was like, hey i was just looking, not as if i made a physical advance. Then i told her that if she had such a huge problem with people looking at her then she try not to look so pretty. Well, that comment somehow eased the tension, and i am pretty sure she did all this just to amuse herself, cause she started smiling in a very naughty way after that. Anyways, i was kind of pissed and started walking away but the guys called me back. I eased up a little bit too and did the "Ok, lets be friends routine"( dont't blame me guys, she was perfect, i HAD to mellow down). And then she again tried to catch me on the spot by saying "Ok sure, but why didnt you ask the same from my my friend too?" (oops, i forgot to mention, she of course had a plain chick accompanying. I say of course because that's how usually life is). And the way she said it, totally implying that i just wanna be friends for her beauty and that sort of thing. To my surprise, i was brutally honest and said "No, you don't need to be charitable with your friendship, i was interested in you and not her, but if you have so many issues then forget it. And then she just laughed. Strange as it seems, it cleared up the entire situation. She was just having some fun.

Hours after meeting each other we were a couple. And i absolutely loved the way we hung out. She was clinging to my arm, we were walking the typical "arms entwined" position (i don't know what other way to describe it). There simply was this instant bonding, although i am pretty sure you would call it desperation, but it was not that. She said that there would be some kind of difficulty, as she was in kind of a relationship with someone i guess. I wasn't shocked, cause there was no way this chick could have been single. But did she make me happy by saying she wouldnt mind a kiss. I guess that was perfect cause i just wanted to have the satisfaction of knowing that she liked me the way i liked her(in other words, that the feelings were reciprocated and it was a mutual thing, not one way) and that was it. Although the circumstances were unfavourable, we were quite clear about our feelings for each other. Of course she was confused and hence trying to be politically correct, it's not everyday that you walk into someone you think is perfect, while in a relationship with someone else. As for me, i was gonna stick with her no matter what, and secretly hoping that the day she confronted her boyfriend comes soon (in fact, making up plans already by this point of time), although outwardly i was saying" Take your time dear, no need to hurry". Then we parted till next time...............................................pretty weird huh..................................well you just wait.......................

Then, while roaming in Shrirang( which is adjacent to Vrindavan) i came across some guys who worked with Discovery Travel&Living. I expressed my great appreciation towards their channel and also expressed my genuine interest in wanting to associate with them in the future. They were quite happy to know all this, and asked me to accompany them in their current assignment. They were visiting all the particularly beautiful, artistic and well desinged households. Next, we went to this spectacular household. Breathtaking furniture and an artistically illuminated living room with candles etc. We went to the inner room, and there were four magnificent electric guitars lying there. Turned out that this house belonged to Ozzy Ozbourne!!!! And it just so happened that that day was his birthday!!!! So Ozzy came back, but he had no idea we were there. So i thought,well, it's not everyday that we come across Ozzy and therefore decided that we should give him a surprise birthday treat. I was thinking about doing something with the guitars, but that would have been very cheesy so, thankfully, we scrapped the idea. But we quickly made some excellent food (of course, these were guys who worked for Travel & Living, what else can you expect), and we surprised Ozzy with our little treat. He was absoltuely delighted. Then, we seated ourselves around the table with Ozzy at the head obviously and he was just speechless. It was awesome. I was just one chair away from him, and the guy between us, was my friend Yash!!!!!

Doesn't make sense at all..................................

Don't worry...............................................................

this is where i woke up................................................................

and the dream ended...................................................................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

As R.E.M. said in "Losing My Religion", ".....that was just a dream.......just a dream.......just a dream .....a dream"

I woke up with perhaps the most content, satisfied, peaceful, almost "Nirvana" like expression on my face...............................calmly exhilirated...........happy..........simply happy........

Talk about "stuff that dreams are made of"!

Latest Crush

Her name is Asha GIll. Currently she hosts a show on Discovery Travel&Living called Six Degrees, amongst other fascinating things. She has been a VJ, model, actor and is a female rights activist.

Now, the only problem is that she far, far, far more accomplished. And i guess my parents would also mind the fact that she is 36.

But, nothing wrong in dreamin about it.......anyways i guess this is how she will react if she comes across this......

In 2 worlds.....

11th June 2009:

7:20 PM: The pre-planned night out began with the inevitable train journey to Charni Road, the occasion being the termination of the semester exams of my engineering buddies. All the hours prior to this were spent waiting impatiently for this moment to arrive.

8:30 PM: We arrive at Mama Mia's, and have a delightful meal of pizzas. This is followed by perfect Singapore & Calcutta meetha paans from the paanwaala outside Cream Centre restaurant, and a glass of "mind-blasting" Ferrero Rocher shake. Next destination, Koylas near The Taj.

10:45 PM: This is the time we arrived at Koylas, a restaurant and hookah place( not before i had 2 caramel custards at Baghdadi's, an Iranian restaurant). We passed the remainder of the night and an hour and half into the next day dissipating hookah smoke.

12th June 2009:

2:30 AM: We reached Churchgate station. On our walk from Koylas up to this point, we saw some landmark sigths, namely the naval dockyard, the illuminated dome of the The Taj at night, and also a cat standing up to a dog 5 times its size. We had bun maska, bhurji pav and tea at Churchgate.

3:00 AM: Marine Lines. Just about to lie down on the patti, but a Ferrari races across the opposite lane, followed by a Lamborghini, and a Merc trying desperately to catch up but failing. We sam them turn around at a distance and we raced to the edge of the pavement to have the best roadside view. The surreal sound of the cars reaching us well before the cars did, we wait in eager anticipation of the moment when the cars would right in front of us and race past.......and we were not disappointed. The driver of the Ferrari shifted gears right before us and the insane blast of noise before it took off was enough to get our adrenaling rushing, wiping out any kind of fatigue, laziness, boredom for the next few hours at least. A second turn and they flew past us for the third and the final time although this time from the opposite lane. We were hoping that they would return and so we set off in their direction, trying to figure whether they had turned away from this path or would they return. We walked till The Trident and came to a logical conclusion that they weren't going to come back. They had most probably parked their cars in The Trident itself. So, we just decided to lie down on the part of the patti exactly opposite the hotel to pass the remaining hours before dawn. The most exhilirating place where i could have spent time.......the endless Arabian Sea to my right, and the majestic Trident to my left. Cool sea breeze, the aftereffects of witnessing 2 of the worlds best cars racing past, the overall smug feeling of a night thoroughly enjoyed, company of close friends and nothing to do but to talk till dawn in this grand setting. Heavenly!!!

6:00 AM: We catch a CST local for our journey home. Impulsively at Dadar, i suggest that we have breakfast at the famed Udipi restaurants at Matunga. No one would say no to that. We get down at Matunga, have idli and filter coffee at Ram Ashray, and then make our way back to the station for the final part of our trip back home.

8:00 AM: I reach home, after supposedly "a night out at my friend Yash's place who lives in Soham Gardens, Thane." There's no way i would have got permission to spend a night like i just had. I quickly change and waste no time in getting to sleep.

12:20 PM: I wake up and check my phone, only to read a message from one of my close friends ( from a different circle, not related to the friends with whom i had spent the night) informing me about the sad demise of his grandfather.

2:00 PM: I arrive at his place for the funeral. The body is cremated and the funeral ends by 3:30 PM. I come back home at 4:15 PM, thoroughly drained.

In 21 hours.............perhaps the best night of my life so far...........and a funeral............phenomena that are worlds apart...............and so in 2 worlds in less than a day......

Music and lyrics!

Artist: Radiohead

Song: Karma Police

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us

Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us

And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself